–VI–
I will confess.
Right here, in this dark and humid interrogation room, I will confess to the crime.
I am a rational man. A rational man with no free will.
Free will. Rationality. You are not one and the same. I have always thought you two were brothers in arms. I now know you are not. You are a contradiction. A paradox.
I have to be rational. I need to be rational. It is my only choice.
There it is again, my “only choice”, the “rational choice”. The oxymoron I live by.
I can't have you both. I can’t be free and rational. I can’t be rational without conceding my free will. I can’t be free without being irrational. You are mutually exclusive. Collectively exhaustive.
So I “choose” you rationality. I choose you, even if it means confessing to a crime I did not commit.
–1–
“Let me tell you my story before they come back for me, they’re supposed to take me for a final decision any moment now. I’ve been alone in this cell for what seems an eternity, I'm halfway counting through pi’s decimals, but it has really been only a few hours of solitude; until you came along. My head has been spinning trying to make sense of it all. I’m still trying to get my head around what’s going on. They have put me in an impossible situation. Nothing makes sense. Like they are forcing me to divide twelve by zero.”
“It was 5.35am on a cold morning when they came knocking on my door. I had just woken up. I had chosen to wake up, as I do every day, not out of impulse or from a deterministic series of past events, but out of my will to wake up. I was about to sit down, after brewing my coffee, to plan what would be my lecture for that day´s class. The rapid knocking on the door called to my attention, as nobody visits at such time. I slowly opened the door, curious of what I would find on the other side. I saw only a badge being held in front of me. It was the woman, the same woman who brought you here to your cell, who demanded that I join her. The men behind her took me by the arm and led me to the car. I did not know what was happening, I had not the slightest clue of what officers of any kind would want with me. I asked, repeatedly, but they did not answer back.”
“I got in the back of a black sedan, windows tinted and no license plates, putting no objection and not complaining. See, I have always considered myself to be a controlled, rational man. This was one of those situations where I proved myself as such. I played along, not knowing what was happening, still keeping my calm and rational self. I knew this was a misunderstanding of some kind, and whomever I was being led to would quickly come to this rational conclusion. I got into the car out of my own free will, I could have struggled and screamed. I could have ran away. There were infinite iterations of what I could have done. Still. I chose, see, I chose to get into the black sedan with the officers. That is how they brought me here. To this prison.”
–VII–
Every decision always has one single rational choice, while numerous, sometimes infinite, irrational choices.
When facing a fork in a road leading to other roads, there is always only one rational turn. Further down that road, when facing new forks leading to new roads, there again is only one rational turn. On a road with infinite forks leading to infinite roads, rationality is one single path.
In this mandelbrotian network of roads with forks and forks with roads, this fractal life, is there only one rational path? One single path drawn on the map, connecting all rational roads across the infinite set of forks, with no deviations whatsoever? One rational life.
How could this ever be considered free will?
Free will is not rational!
Free will is the manifestation of irrationality. A symptom.
–2–
“I told them they had made a mistake. They obviously had the wrong man. Before bringing me to this cell, they sat me in a dark and humid interrogation room across that hall, where they had me waiting for some time. The same women walked through the interrogation room door, with two cups of coffee. She handed one to me and sat on the other side of the table. She did not talk. She stared at me, sipping her coffee. I imagined she was playing a game of some type. Some old school cop game, where I was supposed to talk first. And so I did. See, I knew it was a misunderstanding, so playing her games would only play against my innocence. I told her this was some misunderstanding. That I did not know why I was brought to this prison, but that I was certain I was not the man she was looking for.”
“She did not move, breathe or blink. Her face still, lacking any expression. Any outsider to this scene could assume we were in midst of a poker game, one where the river had recently been revealed and she had pushed all her chips in the middle. I was trying to read her, trying to see through that still face to understand what was going on. It was useless though, she could clearly read me reading her. I could read her reading me. A mental circular reference. She then leaned back on her chair, sighed as if disappointed at my reading skills. Or maybe of her own reading skills. She placed her cup on the table, stared straight at me and said “Mr. Hsan, you are being held under arrest for conspiracy of murder.”
–VIII–
How can this be rational then?
Confessing to a crime I did not commit. It seems the farthest from rationality, a complete exercise of my free will.
It is not though. Confessing is as much of a choice as was Newton’s apple choice to fall.
Confessing is not a choice. Confessing is the equilibrium of forces as strong as gravity.
–3–
“I did not commit or conspire to commit any murder. I do not even know of what murder she is referring to. I am a simple man. The simplest of men. A mere mathematician who troubles only with his mind. I have been brought here under false beliefs. So now I wait. I wait here in my cell until further news. A prisoner.”
“So you see my new friend, I am here an innocent man. One thing we both share. You are innocent. I am innocent. I believe you. I believe you still do not know why you have been brought here. I believe you, my fellow prisoner, I believe you as much as you believe me. I am convinced you are innocent of whatever crime they will come in here proclaiming that you commit. I am convinced because I am the evidence of your innocence. It is highly likely that they have made the same mistake with you as they have done to me.”
“See, the fact that I am a mistake leads me to infer that the probability that this mistake could have also been made on you is high. Have I not been in this situation myself and heard your story, my beliefs and a priori probability of such mistake would have been close to null, and then I would have not believed you. Now here I am, my standing here proves that the mistake is possible. So I have updated my beliefs for Bayes sake! Hence I believe you. As I am sure you believe me when I say I am not a murderer, as being victim yourself of the same mistake provides you with the information to infer that I am telling the truth!”
“On the other hand, if you are not here by mistake then your beliefs on the a priori probability of there being a mistake on my case would be close to null, which would imply that you would not believe me saying that I am not guilty. So you are either innocent and believe I am innocent, or you are guilty and believe I am guilty. So which one is it fellow prisoner, are you innocent or do you really not believe me?”
–IX–
My fate is not mine alone. My fate is entangled. A quantum entanglement of minds.
–4–
“What has baffled me these last few hours is beyond the how and why I am here, my last conversation with the women was bizarre. After those strange minutes in the dark and humid interrogation room where I was being accused of my alleged crime, she brought me to this cell. It must have been around 3am. I was still in awe at the situation. I was digging back in my mind to try to solve this impossible equation. Trying to remember if ever I could have been in the wrong place and time, maybe that could explain my situation. I could not think of any. I spent the deep and cold hours of the night digging and digging for some clue to understanding my dilemma. I did not find any.”
“A few hours later, around 5am, the women came back and let herself in here. She locked the cell behind her and walked slowly towards me. I stood up and faced her. I was convinced she was coming to apologize for such a terrible mistake and to let me go. I could feel myself smiling. There was no other reason why she would come in my cell instead of taking me back to the interrogation room.”
“I was wrong. She was not there to let me go. Rather she further elaborated on my difficult dilemma, which just got stranger and more confusing. She said to me “Mr. Hsan, we know there were two co-conspirators. I am here to tell you we have apprehended your accomplice.” I could not believe what I was hearing. Now it had gone clearly too far.”
–X–
I still can’t believe you are the other prisoner. I have been talking to my alleged accomplice all this time. I see you there, sitting peacefully on the outside of this interrogation room. I cannot hear or talk to you, but I see you across this one sided mirror. What are they saying to you? What are you saying to them? Why are you so peaceful?
Or is that my reflection?
No. I see you. I see you across this one sided mirror. I see myself in the reflection too. Juxtaposed. Me. You. You. Me. Hall of mirrors.
Should I take your supposedly innocence into consideration? Should I believe you are innocent? Are you taking my innocence into consideration in your decision? Do you believe I am innocent? Should I believe you believe I am innocent? Do you believe I believe you are innocent?
Back and forth and forth and back.
My confession is your confession, your confession is my confession, my denial is your denial, your denial is my denial.
Confessing is rational.
No matter what you do. No matter what you think or what you say. No matter what I think or say. No matter what I think you think. No matter what you think I think. No matter what I think you think I think, or what you think I think you think.
In this mental hall of mirrors, confessing is rational.
–5–
“She continued explaining, “I will keep this short, as we have all the evidence needed. We will leave fate in both your hands. We will come back in the morning for your answer. You will either confess to the crime or you will deny the accusation. We will ask your accomplice the same. We will ask him to either confess or deny. If you both deny any involvement you will be held in this prison as cautionary arrest until a trial is set for you both and you are either cleared or found guilty by a judge. Just keep in mind this could take anywhere from one to two years, our judicial system is not the most efficient.” My heart started pounding faster and faster. I was close to yelling innocence uncontrollably. I could not believe they would keep people in prison until proven innocent, it is supposed to be the other way around! Innocent until proven guilty!.”
“Before I could speak she continued, “Now, if you deny your involvement in this conspiracy, and your alleged accomplice confesses, we will know you are both guilty and that you, Mr. Hsan, are lying. You will go to prison for 30 years in both of your names for lying and interfering with our investigation while your accomplice will be let go free for cooperating with this case. The same goes for your accomplice, if your accomplice denies involvement and you confess, your accomplice will go to prison for 30 years while you are will be set free.” Now my heart was really going faster.”
“She continued saying, “However, if you both confess to the murder, you will both bear equal burden of this crime and be sent to prison for 15 years each. Think your decision well, as your fate is in your hands and your hands alone.” She said she would come around this time and take me back to that dark and humid interrogation room where I and my alleged accomplice would have to either confess or deny.”
“Now I wish I could explain to you why this is an impossible situation, why this is like dividing twelve by zero, but I see she is now coming for me. I wish you the best of luck with your dilemma, I hope it is not as troublesome as mine.”
–XI–
Is it not my reflection I am seeing? Am I really seeing you across the other side of this one sided mirror? Did you know all this time that I was the second prisoner? Did you deliberately let me go on and on about my story in order to gain a deeper view into my beliefs and guilt? Did you think I knew you were the second prisoner and I was deliberately rambling on with my story in order to convince you I was innocent? Did you think I was playing a game with you? Or that I thought you were playing a game with me? Or were be both naively unaware that we were both the second prisoner?
What a cruel game.
Believing you are innocent or not is irrelevant. Believing you are rational or not is irrelevant. Knowing I am innocent is irrelevant.
I am no longer free. I am a rational fool.
–12/0–
“I confess.”
